The first time I noticed you had not left me was when Chrissy and I were at the hotel.
Y'all, any time someone passed away, my brother, sister and I would sit together outside while we smoked just talking and reminiscing. Well, after we heard about my brother, my sister and I were outside at the hotel just sitting together. We would break down periodically. I kept waiting for John to walk out to join us. I imagined it so clearly. Flat hat, leather jacket, boots and jeans. Walking towards us with that shit eating grin.
As Chrissy and I were sitting outside, a truck drove by slowly. They were leaning out and catcalling. I watched the truck to make sure they kept driving, which they did. A bit of time went by, my sister was talking and I heard my brother's voice in my head clear as day, "Go back in the hotel, Lani." I ignored it because, come on.... that's not real. We continued talking and then, "GO IN THE HOTEL, LANI!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!"
I stopped and looked at my sister and said, "I know this is going to sound weird, but I could swear John is yelling at us to go back in the hotel." She immediately said, "Why the hell didn't you tell me. Let's go!" As soon as we stood back up I looked behind us and saw that same grey truck that had passed fifteen minutes ago. He was pulling into the hotel parking lot. I had chills all over my body. I gave John a resounding thank you.
While we were going through John's paintings, I found four leaf clover paintings. They were adorable. My brother and sister would always look for them. I never had any luck finding one but those two were blessed. It was their thing and we all knew it. As we looked through his books we would find one pressed between the pages. It honestly became a theme. We all would find them everywhere. It was almost as if he was there with us.
When I got home, I was grief stricken. I missed my siblings. My brother who was gone and my sister who was far away. I went out on the deck to have a minute. Let me tell you something, rarely do I see a plane fly by. Gracie, my daughter, said, "Mom! Look at that plane!" I looked up to the sky and saw a plane flying right above my garage. It was drawing a picture. After the second loop, I literally stopped breathing. I pulled out my phone just in case. This can't really be happening, right? The plane continued. What was it? It was a four leaf clover. I took a photo and sent it to my sister. I explained what happened and when she saw the picture she cried out, "Is that a fucking four leaf clover?" Why yes, yes it is. We both laughed and cried.
We see you John, we see you!
I want to end this blog with this thought. Your loved ones aren't gone. They are free. On rare days, you will see something and be reminded that they love you and they are there. My brother might be gone from the earth but he will always be with me. I love you so much, John John.
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