For days I have been thinking about a gratitude list. When things feel overwhelming and life is out of control, we usually focus on the negative. It's human nature. However, every now and again (should be daily) we should all sit down and write out a gratitude list. So here is mine:
I'm grateful for my husband. The past year has been beyond hard and he has been my rock. He helped me beyond measure when my brother died. Supported me when the house was falling apart. Through it all, we leaned on each other.
My children. It's funny when life throws us all sorts of curveballs, my kids see it and they adjust. I always have taught them to, "Read a room!" They definitely learned that lesson. When the room is quiet or Mom is crying, they adjust. They are kind and helpful. They work together. It's amazing to see your children become amazing humans. I'm so thankful for them and the love that they show me.
My sister. I absolutely love my sister beyond words. We were close but with the loss of our brother, we have become molded together. The support has been amazing and all the love that we showed each other as children has come back in droves. Moments when the desperation seemed too much, we would lean on each other. Both figuratively and literally. Watching stupid movies in a hotel room as the realization of the loss we both experienced rained down on us, we leaned on each other. Feeling the strength in each other and making it grow.
My dogs. Yes, my dogs come next. They follow me around and protect me. Giving love that only a dog can give. Without wanting anything in return, they comforted me during the hell that this year has been.
My friends. I want to say, when something horrible happens, the real friends show up. Either by answering a hysterical call and helping you through it or childhood friends reaching out to let us know that they are here. For anything at any time. I received so many messages from childhood friends and even acquaintances. If you are looking for a good place to raise a family, Poolesville, Maryland is pretty amazing. The bond that those Poolesvillians have is like no other. We look out for each other and that was evident of late.
My job. Y'all, my job is really fricken stressful. Anyone in real estate can attest to that. I have to remind myself that I have a job. I have money to put a roof over my head, food on the table, and heat. That is a blessing and sometimes we all get lost in the fact that we don't like what we do. You know what? I have to remind myself that there are people out there that would love to have a job. I'm blessed. Funny side note - when I went into AA, I would complain when something would break. For instance, my roof in my mudroom was leaking. A very good friend came up to me and said, "You had a roof! What a blessing." It's all in the way you look at it.
My parents. Regardless of all that I went through and continue to go through, when shit gets real, they try. That's all we can do, right? Do our best. For some, doing their best is by helping financially when they can. We all have our crosses to bear. What can I do? Be kind as best I can and when there is a day when that isn't possible, kindly bow out that day.
My extended family. So many times I have felt unlovable. They have reminded me that I am loved and they are there if I need them. There are very special aunts and uncles that have shown me love and made me feel it deeply. I appreciate them more than they know and hope that I can show the same love and kindness that they have shown me. I emulate their behaviors with my own nieces and nephews. I just hope that I am doing them justice in my actions.
My brother. I only have him at this part of my list because, well, it makes me very sad and I want to make sure I don't mess his up. I appreciate all the wonderful memories that we have together. I want to learn from the bad memories that I had with him. I realize now why we had those and I understand. I'm grateful for the 41 years that I was able to know him and call him my brother. He will always have a place in my heart and my life. I will continue to talk to him as I can still hear his voice. When I'm sad and crying, I whisper, "I love you so much, John." I hear a faint voice saying back, "I love you too, Sis."
So, as I sit here in my dining room, typing on a computer that cost way more money than is reasonable, drinking coffee from my kitchen, while my dogs snore under blankets in my living room, I say thank you. Thank you, God for the blessings that you have reigned down on me and my family. Thank you for giving me another day to live. Thank you for receiving my brother with open arms and reuniting him with family that have gone before. Thank you so much for loved ones that were there when everything became too much.
I end with this prayer, "Let me be a light in a very dark world. Allow me to help others as I have been helped. Finally, remind me daily of all that I have and how I can be of service to another. I love you, Lord."
Amen.
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