Yesterday was a very hard day for me. For whatever reason, I just couldn't hold in the grief. It hit me out of nowhere. Grief isn't present all the time. There are moments of laughing.
I went to CostCo last night with my husband to get my Frenchie ingredients for her food. She is allergic to everything and since she was a puppy, I have made her food from scratch. So, there we were aimlessly walking around throwing stuff in our cart. Since we were both so tired, we kept getting distracted. My husband and I are those people that you meet and once we are gone, you think to yourself, "what a strange couple." It's ok. We make people laugh and we all need that currently.
Ken and I had been having a debate whether a tree on display was actually four feet tall. The display looked small and my husband swore that it wasn't the full tree. We passed by it once again and the debate ensued as usual. Luckily for me, there was a worker there. He went up to him and asked, "Is that the full tree there on display? It looks smaller than four feet but the box says that it is four feet. My wife thinks that the display is the full tree. I just don't see it, do you know?" The guy looked at us like we were nuts. He said, "I imagine it is the full tree as they don't put portions on display." He then started to investigate. Ken said, "It's been a debate between my wife and I and well, you are here, so I thought I would ask." I looked at him and said, "So make sure you answer wisely."
Upon further investigation, it was in fact the full tree. Ken said, "Well, I guess I'm going to have to accept defeat and move along." The worker cracked up, as he should have, because, well, we are ridiculous. I slowly walked away with a huge grin on my face. "Well, well, imagine that.... I was right." Let's just say, I count my blessings every evening that he continues to put up with me.
Once home, the exhaustion kicked in. I went to bed early so that I could read. When I got in bed, my babies (the dogs) came up and cuddled with me. I just laid there and hugged on them, listening to their obnoxious snoring which I find adorable. It lulled me into a calm that I so desperately needed after the crying fest I had during the day. Between crying and then laughing hysterically, I was exhausted.
I didn't read. I ended up falling asleep wrapped in their comfort. It's amazing how they have helped me through so much. My mental health has been teetering as I have worked through this great loss. Writing has helped. I keep moving forward each day for my family. There are days that are tougher than others but each day I grow a bit stronger. I might take a couple steps back some days but each day, I just try and be a bit better.
As Dory said, "Just keep swimming...."
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